In which, we bash organized religion, speak of the Pope’s holy member, and discover Robyn has mercury poisoning. And just for those of you wondering, yes, we did mention vaginas at least once. Sorry for the length, we were on a roll!
Robyn: So, what, I would still be your best friend if I had a penis?
Katy: Yes, you would still be my best friend if you had a penis.
Robyn: But you wouldn’t do me.
Katy: I would not have sex with you.
Robyn: I don’t know if I’m insulted or not.
Katy: That’s not an insult! …I’m trying to think of WHY it’s not an insult.
Robyn: [laughs] I’m like, it sounded kind of insulting.
Katy: Give me a minute! Um…I love you too much? [Turn signal noise] This is my “I’m trying to convince you” face.
Robyn: I’m letting the turn signal be the cricket.
Katy: [laughs] I don’t understand why you would want me to have sex with you. It would make things awkward!
Robyn: Well, yeah, it would! I wouldn’t want to have sex with you! I’m just saying—
Katy: That’s the weirdest hypothetical question ever!
Robyn: How did we get here?”
Katy: I don’t know how we ever get anywhere! We just end up there, and then my head hurts, and I wanna like, go to church.
Robyn: [laughs] I make you want to go to church? Cool!
Katy: No, see, THAT’S an insult.
Robyn: That’s a cool talent to have. I make people want to be holy!
Katy: No, you make people want to redeem themselves. Not quite the same thing!
Katy: You know how sometimes dirty people make you want to go, “Oh, I need a shower.”
Robyn: Why is it that everytime I pull out a voice recorder, I end up getting insulted?
Katy: In all fairness, I insult you when it’s not out.
Robyn: Well, that’s true. But it seems like it happens more if I’m recording.
Katy: [laughs] Now you’re going to have a complex.
Robyn: I am! Everytime I pull out a recorder, I’m going to be like, “OH GOD I’M GONNA BE INSULTED.”
Katy: Stop giving me such great material.
Robyn: I’m not—
Katy: Yeah, see?
Robyn: Well, I can’t remember how we got onto the whole, ‘if I had a penis’ thing. Oh! Because I said I look like a boy in my beanie, and you said, “a cute boy.”
Katy: Yeah! But then, I said I would not have sex with you.
Robyn: Yeah, okay, that’s how we got there.
Katy: It’s like thirty degrees outside.
Robyn: It’s less than thirty!
Katy: Like, they’re frozen, they’ll stay frozen.
Robyn: Oh, look, I was right! It’s twenty seven!
Katy: Go you.
Robyn: Yay me!
Katy: Yay, you’re a thermometer!
Robyn: That’s a cool talent. I’m FULL of cool talents to have!
Katy: How is being a thermometer a cool talent?!
Robyn: I dunno, full of mercury? I don’t know.
Katy: So, you’re crazy? Yeah.
Robyn: [chuckles] It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?
Katy: Yeah, it does. You’re actually not insane, you just have mercury poisoning! Which, explains why this morning, I was like, “What’s wrong with you?!”
Robyn: Yeah, my insane paranoia about some meeting—
Katy: It’s all because of mercury poisoning!
Robyn: See? All makes sense now. And? The cool thing is that I can put this ENTIRE conversation up, I don’t have to edit it at all! Because it’s all GOLD.
Katy: I’m sorry.
Robyn: It’s okay.
Katy: Damn church people are here, with their GOD and their Holiness. Those bastards.
Robyn: Heh, they’re bastards, but their holy. [laughs]
Katy: I’m a holy bastard.
Robyn: That you are.
Katy: Yes, I am.
Robyn: I… am not. Well, does it count if I was conceived when they weren’t married?
Katy: No, that just means you’re illegitimate.
Robyn: Oh, awesome!
Katy: You actually have to not know your father in order to be a bastard.
Robyn. No… Well, wait—
Katy: Yeah! I’m sorry, that actually is the definition.
Robyn: Yeah…alright, alright, alright.
Katy: Which is why, when I tell people that I’m bastard coated bastard with bastard filling, It is spot on! Because, in fact, I am.
Robyn: Round the Clock’s going to be packed too, you know that right?
Robyn: With all their holiness. We’re going to choke on holiness over there, you know that. We’ll walk in there and be like [makes choking sound]—
Katy: I’m sorry, but when you say “choke on holiness” I imagine someone gagging on the Pope’s cock.
Robyn: …Okay, one, that’s TOTALLY going on the website. And two, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT. Because…The Pope having a cock is just about useful as like, soap on a rope.
Katy: You know, he has to PEE.
Robyn: No, he doesn’t. You would think if God was going to make him a Pope, he would just not give him a penis. Because there’s no point.
Robyn: He can just have a vagina. AH, ALL POPE’S SHOULD BE WOMEN. I proved it!
Katy: There was only one.
Robyn: …One woman or one pope?
Katy: One pope who was a woman?
Robyn: Did I miss that history lesson?
Katy: Yes. [laughs] You’ve never heard of Pope Joan?
Katy: Oh, okay.
Robyn: When was this?
Katy: Um, before?
Robyn: THANKS. You know, five minutes was before!
Katy: I don’t know the exact year!
Robyn: Like medival or a hundred or fifty years ago or…?
Katy: We’re talking like centuries before.
Robyn: So, medival?
Katy: Ish? I’m sorry! There’s not just medival and then modern times! There are a couple different times in there!
Robyn: You can’t just pop out some history fact and then not know everything about it! God, Katrina!
Katy: I’m sorry!